Before I became a pastor I worked with the homeless in Philadelphia for two years at two different agencies, one Christian and one non-sectarian. During those two years I received many personal requests for money and help from people struggling with addiction, mental illness, homelessness, hunger, and grief. I also worked along side formerly homeless men and women who had spent years overcoming these very issues. Through these experiences I formulated a number of “rules” for how I personally choose to help people.
Principle #1: Never Give Money
The one recommendation from every single formerly homeless person I spoke to was never to give cash to pan handlers or strangers. They said lots of well meaning people gave them money that they used to buy drugs. Though the people who gave meant well they were inadvertently enabling the person to continue sinning and harming themselves.
I personally never ever give money to someone I do not know and trust no matter how compelling their story is. I can think of only one exception in the past few years to this rule.
Note: this principle only applies to strangers. Our church mercy ministry helps members of our church with bills, groceries and other needs but only in situations where we know the person, trust them and have an understanding of their specific needs and can be sure that giving money will help. There are also times when it can be appropriate to personally give money to someone you know and trust apart from the diaconate ministry here at church.
Principle #2: Buy What They Need
If someone approaches me and asks for money to buy food or gasoline or a bus ticket I go with them and actually directly purchase what they are asking for. It is far less convenient because it means I have to go to the supermarket or gas station in the middle of what I was planning on doing but it has let me talk and pray with people in need.
Safety can be a factor here. Use your best judgment, follow your instincts and be willing to say “no” if that is what is called for.
Principle #3: Do Not Reward Manipulation
Sometimes someone asking for help tries to put pressure on you and manipulate you to give them what they want. Here are some examples:
- Showing you lots of papers, receipts, and documents to legitimize their story.
- Demanding help immediately so there is no chance for you to ask questions or investigate what they are saying.
- Giving you lots of information you did not ask for while not answering questions you do ask.
- Using guilt. Saying things like “I thought you were a Christian” or “if you cared about people you would…”.
Just because someone is being manipulative does not mean I won’t necessarily help them. If I were in a situation serious enough to ask a stranger for money I’d probably feel like manipulating them too. The point is to recognize when someone is manipulating you and to see through it.
Principle #4: Know Who Can Help
This is very important when you are not sure how to help or do not have the resources. It is easier to say “no” if you can then tell them an organization that will say “yes”. One of our best local resources is City Team Ministries. They’re located at 7th and Sproul St. in Chester. They provide a whole host of resources to people in need. Another local resource is Salvation Army located at 151 W. 15th Street in Chester.
In some situations such as when a person is severely disturbed because of mental illness the best thing to do is call 911.
Note: Besides simply referring people to City Team Ministries I recommend visiting, volunteering and supporting as well.
Principle #5: Let Mercy Limit Mercy
Principle #1 above is an expression of this principle. What “Let mercy limit mercy” means is that sometimes it is not really being merciful to help someone if your help for them allows them to hurt themselves. You do not want your intentions of kindness to enable someone to harm themselves or continue to sin. Sometimes it is not really helpful to bail someone out of a situation they have created. Rather they may need to experience the consequences of what they have done.
This principle is very difficult to know how to apply. It is always a judgment call and you have to examine your motives carefully. I personally would rather be taken in and deceived than refuse to help someone who genuinely needs it. I do not believe you need to deserve help because none of us deserve God’s grace yet he gives it to us.
None the less there are times when I have helped someone repeatedly and have spent time with them and learned their story and they refuse to address the underlying patterns and behaviors that are causing their problems, I “cut them off” until they are willing to work on the real issues.
This is certainly not the last word on helping people and diaconate ministry. These are just five of the best practices I’ve learned over the years. Feel free to weigh in your opinions in the comment section below.
Posted by Meade 
